Relationships: Are yours Healthy or Unhealthy?

She slammed the front door and sprinted up the stairs.

“She’s mad at me…again!” my teenage daughter cried as she plopped on my bed.

“I don’t know what to do mom. I feel anxious every morning wondering if she’ll be happy or get mad at me for no reason. She always gossips about other girls and is negative all the time!”

“Honey, it’s time to talk about healthy and unhealthy relationships” I said.

“How do we know the difference?” she asked.

“Well, let’s find out!” I picked up the book I had been reading, The Search for Significance, by Robert McGee.

“These are signs of an unhealthy relationship.”  When either person:

• Experiences frequent jealousy, possessiveness, and exclusivity (viewing others as a threat to the relationship).
• Prefers to spend time alone with this friend and becomes frustrated when this doesn’t happen.
• Becomes irrationally angry or depressed when this friend withdraws slightly.
• Loses interest in friendships other that this one.
• Is unable to see the other’s faults realistically.
• Feels free to “speak for” the other.
• Exhibits an intimacy and familiarity with this friend that causes others to feel uncomfortable or embarrassed in their presence.

“What makes a relationship healthy?” she asked

“Let’s continue reading,” I said.

“When a relationship is healthy (dating, friendship or family), you will find”:

• Freedom- You will be free to be yourself instead of trying to be like someone else. That will give you peace, joy and security around that person.
• Communication- You should be able to talk truthfully, honestly and respectfully, whether you agree or disagree. It’s very important to listen carefully to each other’s thoughts and feelings in order to understand each other and find a solution when there’s a problem. (Ephesians 4:25)
• Love- Love allows people to accept, respect, encourage and forgive each other.

“Honey,” I said. “It takes time, energy and humility to maintain a healthy relationship.  It’s not always easy, but with God’s help and a lot of effort we can do it.”

She smiled and hugged me tight.

“I know what I have to do mom,” she said. “I’ll call her right now.”

⁴ Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. ⁵ Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not become angry easily. Love does not remember wrongs done against it. ⁶ Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices over the truth. ⁷ Love patiently accepts all things. It always trusts, always hopes, and always continues strong.         1Corinthians